


up till now

by orphan_account



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Moderate burn, Pining, friends to strangers to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-22 23:57:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20330650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: [For a few years, Gowon wished Heejin would be ugly, but seeing her now, she was as beautiful as ever.]Simply put, Gowon and Heejin meet again.





	up till now

**Author's Note:**

> if there are any weird mistakes, i'm sorry. grammarly doesn't catch everything.

She needs to calm down. The first thing she says as a greeting can not be “ _ Wow, it’s been nine years since I’ve seen you! Where the fuck have you been?!” _ for quite a few reasons. 

For one, Gowon is an adult now, she can’t act like how she would in freshman year of college. That would just contradict the point of growing up, changing personality, all that jazz. And two, this was Jiwoo’s wedding here. If she caused a scene, that would not be a good look for her, and also Gowon would just feel bad. She would, but she really wants to ask how on earth Jungeun found and made Jeon Heejin her maid of honor, with Gowon being Jiwoo’s. It was a twist of faith, Gowon thinks as she crosses her arms and looks out of the hotel window, the nightlife of the city looking back up at her. It was a cruel faith that her old friend (roommate? fling? girlfriend??) had appeared back in her life when she supposed to be pretty fucking happy. 

Heejin looked shocked to her here as well, but it wasn’t in a bad way, Gowon could tell from her face. Her smile was bright, and she squeezed Gowon’s hand in complete happiness before pulling her into a hug. She shared a look with Jiwoo, quick as it was before Heejin pulls back and grins at her, holding her shoulders. “Wow, look at you,” she exclaims, “you’re blond now!”

“Wow, look at you,” Gowon replies with as much enthusiasm she can fake and smiles widely. Thinking about it now, she wonders if Heejin could tell that she was faking it, choosing to ignore it. 

Gowon scowls as she sits on the bed in the hotel room, the fluffy white robe making her a bit sleepy. For a few years, Gowon wished Heejin would be ugly. It gave her a peace of mind, if only when she’s drunk after a bad date. But seeing her now, she was as beautiful as ever.

And Gowon doesn’t know if she likes that or not.

**

Gowon meets Heejin on orientation day in college. They had an instant click, or however, Jiwoo describes it. They hung out more than they did with anyone else, they always managed to meet up, even with different majors and schedules. Heejin was funny, with a deep voice and pretty eyes, who loved animals and music as much as Gowon loved flowers at the time. They had talked about in the future, having a garden together, letting the plants grow into the house, making it quite literally a greenhouse. Gowon always dreamed of it, and couldn’t wait. 

Heejin was like, she was like a soulmate.

It was only natural Gowon fell for her. It was only natural Heejin fell for her too.

  
  


**

They don’t tell you that as a maid of honor you will have to spend a lot of time with the other maid of honor to deal with stuff the bride doesn’t need to deal with. They also don’t tell you how to handle being stuck with one of your old flames for about eight hours a day, and Gowon wishes they did. Maybe she should write a book. She figures she could make a lot of money, maybe travel around the world twice.

Gowon pushes those thoughts away and helps guide the workers to where they need to set up everything in the room, the large pink flowers on the left, the large red flowers on the right, a mix of those in the middle of every table. The white sheets that cover each round table with the cursive name tags that are placed at each seat make this room very bright.

“It’s sort of like a plagiarized version of valentine’s day,” Gowon hears Heejin walk up beside her. Heejin has the sleeves of her black sweater rolled up to her elbows, her hair pushed to the side. Gowon remembers one time, Heejin had talked about getting the side of her head shaved. She’s not sure if she ever did it, but she remembers gushing about how good Heejin would look. She also quickly thinks about how good Heejin looks now but drowns that thought as soon as it surfaces.

“Right? They say it’s,” Gowon does false quotations, “their color. Whatever that means.”

“Huh,” Heejin says. “Well, I guess it makes sense that the cake is chocolate then.”

“It does?”

“For the plagiarized valentines day.”

Gowon almost giggles, but she doesn’t. Instead, she fights a smile as she looks down and hears Heejin laugh a bit too. She makes a note of their shoes, her own cream flats, and Heejin’s black boots. Maybe they didn’t change as much as she thought.

“Hey,” Heejin speaks of a moment of silence, both of them distracted and also impressed at how the workers attach the large stream of flowers up and along the wall. “What are you doing after this?” 

Gowon looks over, mouth opening a bit. “Uh...” She starts. Truthfully nothing, but something about Heejin’s tone makes her hesitate. There’s probably around five things Gowon could do than hang out with Heejin by choice. So she clears her throat and says “I’m not sure yet, actually. I think my client might give me a call or my job, so...” She trails off, and Heejin nods in understanding. She’s not smiling anymore like before, but she was grinning. 

“Yeah, no, that’s cool I was hoping we could talk? Maybe, go to a cafe?”

Gowon almost scoffs. She suddenly thinks even nine years wouldn’t prepare her for those words coming out of Heejin’s mouth. She holds it together and is going to answer as adult-likes she could before one the workers call out and ask for help. Heejin looks back at Gowon, shrugs, and walks towards them. She turns around, walks backward and says “Think about it?”

Gowon doesn’t answer before Heejin turns away.

Even if nine years couldn’t prepare her, nine years is still a long fucking time.

**

“So wait, run it by me again.” 

Gowon places her chin in her palm as Yeji leans into the video camera, eyebrows scrunched together. “She wants to talk,” Gowon says, “after nine years of complete silence she wants to talk.”

“Wooowww,” Yeji shakes her head, leaning back and picking up her bottle of milk, drinking it. “And what did you say?”

“I didn’t say anything. After we were done I told her I didn’t have any time and ran all the way here, cried, then called you.”

“Oh, honey.” Gowon knows if Yeji was here she’d be petting her head by now. She shakes her wrists and frowns, looking past her laptop and towards the window. It’s silent for a moment before Yeji gasps. “You’re thinking about talking to her!”

“Well,” Gowon pauses. “I don’t know, I’m just curious about what she would say.

“Gowon, no? You were the one just ranting about it!”

She’s right. But Yeji doesn’t know that while crying Gowon napped and had a memory dream about Heejin, causing her to wake up feeling more gay and sad then she already did. 

“I know I was. Ugh,” Gowon runs her fingers down her face before letting her fingers rest on her lips. “I’m going insane, I can’t do this.”

“Wait-“ Gowon shuts her laptop and stands up. She needs a drink, and she needs one, now.

**

Gowon is for sure drunk and is for sure going to regret this later. Actually, she will probably regret this sooner. How does she know? Because around seven minutes ago in the hotel bar, she had taken her phone out and started to text Heejin. (She could hear Yeji and her past self yelling in defeat.)

**gowon**

fkc u

**heejin**

_ i’m sorry? _

**gowon**

*fuck you

im so pissed at you

how can you just? 

just appear in my life again????

i cant tell if i hate you or love you

nine years; yes i counted...

god, what a mess, 

**heejin**

_ chaewon... _

_ where are you _

**gowon **

hotel bar

bartender looking at me funny hehehe

gonna vomit.

And a few moments later when Heejin stops texting her and her drunk mind starts to go into a panic, she sees Heejin walk up to her, hair wet, probably from showering, eyes wide.

“Alright, here we go,” Heejin whispers, helping her stand. “Come on.”

**

“I really hate you, you know. Heejin.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I also fucking miss you like crazy,” a burp, “Okay, that didn’t feel good.”

“Are you going to throw up?”

“No.”

“No?”

Another burp. The door opens, and they walk to the bathroom. Gowon lays her head on the tub. 

“Okay, I’m not sure.”

Silence.

“Do you want to leave?”

“What? No, I’m fine.”

“I would understand if you wanted to leave. I did curse you out.”

“Gowon, it’s fine.”

“It’s really not, but okay.”

More silence. 

“Do you really hate me?”

“No, that was a lie. I do miss you though.”

“Me too. I miss you too.”

“A lot?”

That was their inside joke. Heejin cracks a smile.

“A lot.”

“Okay, good. We should talk soon. I’m falling asleep now.”

“Wait, what?”

Gowon hums before she starts breathing slowly. She’s holding Heejin’s hand.

**

Gowon remembers when Heejin left. It wasn’t something big, or dramatic. There was no packing up in the night, waking up to an empty apartment. Gowon wishes it was like that, though, a better story to tell. Instead, it was a slow goodbye, a slow drifting apart. 

They just didn’t talk as much as they did before, didn’t spend time together. They were never something, but they were also not nothing either. That’s why it hurt when Heejin said she got a job, somewhere far away. What could Gowon say don’t go? That was selfish, and she didn’t want to be selfish.

So she smiled, kissed Heejin and told her to keep in touch. 

They tried at first, but it was hard, and she wondered if Heejin missed her as much as Gowon did. 

So there came an end to phone calls, to texts. And Gowon grows, her feelings of bitterness and loneliness grow, but she can’t stop herself from wondering, then, if Heejin had stayed. What would have happened?

Gowon dreamed about it a few times before she laid those dreams to rest.

**

“I wish you had told me to stay. Back then.”

“Would you have?”

“Yeah, I think I would.”

**

“You look happy,” Jiwoo gushes into Gowon’s face, the smell of wine strong on her breath.

“I am,” Gowon laughs when Jiwoo places her hands on her cheeks, giggling. 

“No, you look so,” she drags out the word, moving her head from side to side “happy.” 

“Alright, party girl, you’re scaring her.”

Jungeun pulls Jiwoo back a little, and Jiwoo laughs loudly, throwing herself into her wife’s arms. “Sorry, Gowon.”

They sway off, Jiwoo pressing kisses to Jungeun’s cheeks a bunch, and Gowon gives an amused huff, patting down her dress.

“They’re cute, aren’t they?”

“Yeah,” Gowon feels Heejin squeeze her arm as she walks up to her, thinking about how beautiful she looks in her blue dress. “Real romantic-comedy vibes.”

Heejin laughs, and they both turned to look at the couple as they talk with some relatives, talking loudly, laughing. 

“By the way, this was so a valentine's day themed wedding.” Gowon softly hits Heejin on the shoulder, before staring at her face.

Heejin looks back, and she blushes, looking down a bit. “When this is over, you want to go get like a midnight breakfast or something?”

Gowon smiles, her heart beats just a tad. “Yeah, we could do that.”

**Author's Note:**

> i am dying scoob. i love heewon a lot, and i am dying.
> 
> come say hi on twitter, i always have something to say! @wlwpops


End file.
